The newborn 5 stage grief cycle

The 5 stage grief cycle describes the emotions that people feel when a loved one has died. Well, I am here to say that it applies to the beginning of life as well as the end.

1. Denial
When a baby is born, he sleeps most of the time and is just a joy to hold. The parents wonder, "why do people say this is hard? Others must not have prepared like we did." They are in sweet denial of the reality to come.

2. Anger
At some point, usually 2wks for me, the little bundle of joy begins to realize he is no longer in the womb and doesn't want to sleep anymore. This precious newborn begins to cry for no obvious reason and all the parents' preparations go out the window. They begin to feel angry at the parenting books with their fool-proof solutions. They begin feeling angry at those around them for breathing too loudly and waking the baby. They finally settle on being angry at the unseen alien who came and replaced their perfect darling with a crying, screaming child.

3. Bargaining
Eventually, the parents become putty in this innocent child's hands. They forget all their pre-determined rules like "getting on a schedule", "no children in our bed", or "my child won't use a pacifier". Instead, the parents break down and start begging and promising anything if the child would just calm down long enough for mom to get a shower.

4. Depression
By now, the baby is around 2 1/2mo old. The parents are too exhausted to be angry and their creativity for bargaining has been completely tapped out. They fall into a funk and realize that they will never be perfect parents and begin to question their own sanity and why they ever thought that having a child was preferable over having a dog. They feel even more depressed as they realize that their own parents aren't so incomprehensible anymore.

5. Acceptance
After our poor parents have been depressed, they are humbled enough to accept reality. No, they will never get enough sleep again. They begin to understand why their own parents did certain bizarre things and they accept that the real ruler of the house is this tiny infant that they so eagerly anticipated.

Our pure and innocent child's sovereignty has now been established and his parents' unconditional submission is assured. His 3 months of hard work has paid off for himself and for the good of all future siblings. He can now relax and get on a schedule, knowing full well that his parents are in the palm of his hand.